keys

this video always moves me, always.

poetry by ashlikaan. photography by alexis mire.

my new mantra..

being perfect is not my intention.
and really, to me life is too short to care about being judged. 
people always will and i was never one to feel the need to please them.

-i read this on bohemian musings.

people will judge no matter what. they'll judge me for having red hair. or my fair skin. the car i drive... i see people judge my husband for having sleeves of tattoos on his arms. thankfully not everyone judges to that extreme but people do judge. but honestly, it's a distraction from themselves. a distraction from their own insecurities. i've come to realize that caring about what others think in a way that stifles what you really want in life makes us a prisoner to other people's judgements. i don't want live that way.

i want to live free and be me.
xo, zara

i can't believe i haven't updated since april...

clearly i'm not the greatest blogger. but, here's a glimpse of what we've been up to since my last post.

i hope everyone had a wonderful summer, filled with magical, nostalgic memories..

i can't believe fall is arriving but i'm ready. fall is my absolute favorite, followed by spring... well, i think it's a tie actually :)

thanks for visiting. xo, zara

oh, the places you'll go!

i joined flickr in july of 2007. and shortly after stumbled upon a photographer who's photos seemed to tell a story, i became an instant fan.. something about her seemed familiar. so, i sent her a message and asked her some photography questions. i remember being so nervous sending it and then waiting to see if there would a response..i mean, this was the first time i'd ever 'flickr mailed' anyone.. she responded that day, i believe. and was so kind and happy to answer my questions. then i quickly received another 'flickr mail' from her saying "i had a cabbage patch doll back in the day and her name was zara..." and i could not believe my eyes/ears! i had the same cabbage patch doll named zara, her hair was red, and so was hers...and so the rest is history. we've been flickr friends ever since, slowly getting to know eachother over the years, texting back and forth at times, video texts exchanged. but she's always felt familiar, like an old friend that i've re-connected with.

so, on april 23rd the day finally arrived when i flew to her part of the county. i've never flown or traveled alone before so i decided to write down my internal dialogue on my flight over... here it is..

                                                           april 23rd, 2010

"flying through the air, looking at the world below. flying over clouds, mountain tops, weird crop circle things.. seriously, what ARE those?! i saw my neighborhood, it's crazy how fast airplanes fly. we had just taken off and five minutes later i'm whooshing in the air over my neighborhood. so crazy yet so cool.

passing a large frozen lake and more mountains. i forgot how many mountain ranges there are.. are they called mountain ranges?! i don't know, but there are alot. alot of snow peaked mountains, more frozen lakes. it's pretty. sometimes i forget how large and vast the world is, yet so small. ok. maybe not small but it feels smaller, more attainablewhen you travel. bridging the gaps between home and the rest of the world..

geeeez... more mountains. where are we? i just asked the stewardess and she has no idea. we must be over colorado maybe, the rockies, perhaps? perhaps, perhaps, perrrhaps :) the girl sitting next to me is from anchorage, alaska. flying to st. louis as well. she's sweet and was also scared of the take-off. oh no... i have to go to the bathroom but dude, i'm by the window so that means i have to be all awkward and disrupt their moment.. "ummm, excuse me.. sorry, yeah...thanks." yeah, that'll be fun. ok, here i go... oh no!!

yeah, super awkward. but not too bad.

the stewardess or is it flight attendant? said we're going over the sasosh mountain range. or it sounded something like that. ugghhhh..turbulance is so scurrrry larry. i always feel like i'm the only one who's quietly freaking out inside, so i look around for reassurance and everyone is carrying on like it's nothing.. oh god, more turbulance! i don't like it, oh nooo..

i feel a headache coming on and my ibuprofin is up in the carry-on compartment. so forget that. maybe i need more water. but just a little bit, not going to the bathroom again. HOLY TURBULANCE. OY. GOD, PLEASE DON'T LET US CRASH. we're flying through a sea of clouds right now. mmmm hmmmmm.

ok. the sweet anchorage girl just gave me two ibuprofin's. yay! sometimes i forget how kind strangers can be when you just talk to them.. "people are just people. they shouldn't make you nervous, the world is everlasting and it's coming and it's going.." oh regina (spektor), how i love thee..

more turbulance, yo. omg.

ok. just touched down in st. lou-eeeee! eeeeeeeeek!"

written on my way home, april 26th, 2010

"well here i'am writing through the turbulance. i'm not as frightened as before. i'am okay. but i find myself starting to cry while listening to 'like spinning plates'. and now i'm totally crying. i think all the emotions of the song (not the words, just the music) convey how i feel inside, it's such an emotional song for me. and leaving st. louis, i'm leaving a piece of my heart there and taking the love i felt with me.

katie's friendship feels so comforting, like home. and so i feel torn leaving a friend or friendship that i've never experienced at home. she exudes love and acceptance. never any judgements or negativity. just love and kindness. and i feel sad leaving because i didn't realize i've been missing or longing for a friendship like that. i think i'd given up on seeking out friendships and that makes me sad. maybe i had given up on people in general. withdrawing so that i wouldn't get hurt but now i realize that in the past i've probably missed out on connections, letting people and love pass me by.

i think that in a way katie and laini have renewed my faith in humanity. their home is brimming with so much love and laughter and it's helped me find my joy and laughter again. what a precious gift to give a person. it's so profound it makes me continue to cry and now the man next to me probably thinks i'm a basket case or something but who cares...

thank you katie and laini for helping me rediscover my joy. i could thank you a million times and it would still never be enough or convey my deep gratitude i feel. thank you for being my friend. i will always cherish you and your family."

all my love, zara

the message of this book is so magical and has re-sparked dreaming up new dreams..dreams that makes me reach higher.

Awesome Book Tour from Dallas Clayton on Vimeo.


xo, zara

my favert words of wisdom ever..

If I could offer you one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.

The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience...
I will dispense this advice now..


Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh, nevermind, you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in away you can't grasp now, how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are NOT as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real toubles in life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind the blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other peoples hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you suceed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. the most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't.

Maybe you'll divorce at 40. Maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary....

Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either - your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body, use it every way you can... don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it... it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance... even if you have nowhere else to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines they will only make you feel UGLY.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they might be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings; They're your best link to your past, and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, except for the precious few you should hold on.

Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard.

Live in Northern California once, but, leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths. Prices will rise, Politicians will philander, you too will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you'll have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia; dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts, and recycling it for more than it's worth.


                      ....But trust me on the sunscreen.

i cry everytime i read this.

xo, zara

happy valentines day eve..

i'm sorry my sad wee little blog, for i have neglected you...i'm such a meanie..i'll try to give you the love and care you so deserve.

now, this blog was supposed to be about things that inspire me and my husband. and our life and family and things of that nature...i haven't done any blog posts about le husband thus far. until now....he's so cute :)

my husband recently bought/inherited a classic car from his dad. a 1964 buick skylark. my father in-law has been restoring it for the last fifteen years and recently when my husband had an opportunity to buy it he didn't hesitate. it'll be in the family forever, as my one of my ten year old boys, logan, is convinced it'll be his someday.... :)

while out for a drive..

happy valentines day!!

xo, zara