bursting at the seams with inspiration.

i love it when every month like clockwork my magazines arrrive in the post. fashion moves me, oh how i longed to be a fashion designer as a teenager.. until i realized i can't sew. like at all. well, i can sew but all the figuring out to do, like measuring and math. ewww. anyway.. inspiration, yessss. the possiblities that an image provides my imagination. i love it.

these are all from W magazine...

i can't believe i'm going to say this but the snow photos are making me look forward to...snow. and i'm SO not a snow person. but now i see the possibilites and beauty of it, photographically speaking. hopefully the reality will ring true.

i had my first gingerbread latte this season and it was delightful.

xo, zara

there is nowhere else i belong, i want to live inside your song.

zaika by castledoor.

one of favorite groups. sadly they broke up earlier this year.. but the love still shines through their music. i had the honor of seeing them live when they played in seattle a couple of years ago. my sister and i were the first ones there :) it was pretty hilarious. we even stood around after the show to get a photo with them. i also geeked out wee bit and professed my love of their music to a couple of the band members. such nice and genuine folks.. their music has been apart of my family's daily soundtrack, my kids & husband know and sing their songs. thank you castledoor, your music has been a beautiful addition to my life.

us & castledoor (my sister is the first one on zeeee right)... i must say, this was a few months after i had my youngest child. i was a wee bit volumptious here, hehe..

xo, zara

charlie chaplin, of course.

so a couple o' days ago i'm browsing online and i see something about a time traveler spotted in a charlie chaplin dvd. from his 1928 movie 'the circus', it was on a bonus dvd, footage from the movie premiere. i initially think, "ha! charlie chaplin, he really pulled a fast one on us, clever.." and then proceed to click on the story. i watch it all unfold, "yes, yessss! no way!! there REALLY IS TIME TRAVEL?!"  it was an older woman talking into a small black cell phone as she walked down the street! i was captivated, i've always been fascinated by time travel. it started with the movie 'somewhere in time' with christopher reeves and jane seymour. that movie was so real to me, i still get choked up watching it.

and then i read 'the time travelers wife'. omg, hiiiiii, best book ever... so far. so when i saw the lady from 1928 talking into a full on cell phone, i was blown away. i've been thinking about it all since i saw it my very own eyeballs. calling people, "have you seen the time traveler video?!?!!"

so today i see something about the charle chaplin cell phone lady again. it showed a hearing aid from 1924, it was a small skinny black box. they didn't have the clip into ear hearing aids yet.. ummmmm, yeah, it all crumbled at that moment. shattering onto the floor, evaporating into thin air.. poof! gone.

there's still a part of me holding on though.. come on time travel, i know your out there somewhere..

it's fascinating. time. the past. the future. the now.

keys

this video always moves me, always.

poetry by ashlikaan. photography by alexis mire.

my new mantra..

being perfect is not my intention.
and really, to me life is too short to care about being judged. 
people always will and i was never one to feel the need to please them.

-i read this on bohemian musings.

people will judge no matter what. they'll judge me for having red hair. or my fair skin. the car i drive... i see people judge my husband for having sleeves of tattoos on his arms. thankfully not everyone judges to that extreme but people do judge. but honestly, it's a distraction from themselves. a distraction from their own insecurities. i've come to realize that caring about what others think in a way that stifles what you really want in life makes us a prisoner to other people's judgements. i don't want live that way.

i want to live free and be me.
xo, zara

i can't believe i haven't updated since april...

clearly i'm not the greatest blogger. but, here's a glimpse of what we've been up to since my last post.

i hope everyone had a wonderful summer, filled with magical, nostalgic memories..

i can't believe fall is arriving but i'm ready. fall is my absolute favorite, followed by spring... well, i think it's a tie actually :)

thanks for visiting. xo, zara

oh, the places you'll go!

i joined flickr in july of 2007. and shortly after stumbled upon a photographer who's photos seemed to tell a story, i became an instant fan.. something about her seemed familiar. so, i sent her a message and asked her some photography questions. i remember being so nervous sending it and then waiting to see if there would a response..i mean, this was the first time i'd ever 'flickr mailed' anyone.. she responded that day, i believe. and was so kind and happy to answer my questions. then i quickly received another 'flickr mail' from her saying "i had a cabbage patch doll back in the day and her name was zara..." and i could not believe my eyes/ears! i had the same cabbage patch doll named zara, her hair was red, and so was hers...and so the rest is history. we've been flickr friends ever since, slowly getting to know eachother over the years, texting back and forth at times, video texts exchanged. but she's always felt familiar, like an old friend that i've re-connected with.

so, on april 23rd the day finally arrived when i flew to her part of the county. i've never flown or traveled alone before so i decided to write down my internal dialogue on my flight over... here it is..

                                                           april 23rd, 2010

"flying through the air, looking at the world below. flying over clouds, mountain tops, weird crop circle things.. seriously, what ARE those?! i saw my neighborhood, it's crazy how fast airplanes fly. we had just taken off and five minutes later i'm whooshing in the air over my neighborhood. so crazy yet so cool.

passing a large frozen lake and more mountains. i forgot how many mountain ranges there are.. are they called mountain ranges?! i don't know, but there are alot. alot of snow peaked mountains, more frozen lakes. it's pretty. sometimes i forget how large and vast the world is, yet so small. ok. maybe not small but it feels smaller, more attainablewhen you travel. bridging the gaps between home and the rest of the world..

geeeez... more mountains. where are we? i just asked the stewardess and she has no idea. we must be over colorado maybe, the rockies, perhaps? perhaps, perhaps, perrrhaps :) the girl sitting next to me is from anchorage, alaska. flying to st. louis as well. she's sweet and was also scared of the take-off. oh no... i have to go to the bathroom but dude, i'm by the window so that means i have to be all awkward and disrupt their moment.. "ummm, excuse me.. sorry, yeah...thanks." yeah, that'll be fun. ok, here i go... oh no!!

yeah, super awkward. but not too bad.

the stewardess or is it flight attendant? said we're going over the sasosh mountain range. or it sounded something like that. ugghhhh..turbulance is so scurrrry larry. i always feel like i'm the only one who's quietly freaking out inside, so i look around for reassurance and everyone is carrying on like it's nothing.. oh god, more turbulance! i don't like it, oh nooo..

i feel a headache coming on and my ibuprofin is up in the carry-on compartment. so forget that. maybe i need more water. but just a little bit, not going to the bathroom again. HOLY TURBULANCE. OY. GOD, PLEASE DON'T LET US CRASH. we're flying through a sea of clouds right now. mmmm hmmmmm.

ok. the sweet anchorage girl just gave me two ibuprofin's. yay! sometimes i forget how kind strangers can be when you just talk to them.. "people are just people. they shouldn't make you nervous, the world is everlasting and it's coming and it's going.." oh regina (spektor), how i love thee..

more turbulance, yo. omg.

ok. just touched down in st. lou-eeeee! eeeeeeeeek!"

written on my way home, april 26th, 2010

"well here i'am writing through the turbulance. i'm not as frightened as before. i'am okay. but i find myself starting to cry while listening to 'like spinning plates'. and now i'm totally crying. i think all the emotions of the song (not the words, just the music) convey how i feel inside, it's such an emotional song for me. and leaving st. louis, i'm leaving a piece of my heart there and taking the love i felt with me.

katie's friendship feels so comforting, like home. and so i feel torn leaving a friend or friendship that i've never experienced at home. she exudes love and acceptance. never any judgements or negativity. just love and kindness. and i feel sad leaving because i didn't realize i've been missing or longing for a friendship like that. i think i'd given up on seeking out friendships and that makes me sad. maybe i had given up on people in general. withdrawing so that i wouldn't get hurt but now i realize that in the past i've probably missed out on connections, letting people and love pass me by.

i think that in a way katie and laini have renewed my faith in humanity. their home is brimming with so much love and laughter and it's helped me find my joy and laughter again. what a precious gift to give a person. it's so profound it makes me continue to cry and now the man next to me probably thinks i'm a basket case or something but who cares...

thank you katie and laini for helping me rediscover my joy. i could thank you a million times and it would still never be enough or convey my deep gratitude i feel. thank you for being my friend. i will always cherish you and your family."

all my love, zara