music melts all the separate parts of our bodies together -anais nin

i grew up with music...well, doesn't everyone really? but for me, my experience with music was being waken up on a saturday or sunday morning with pink floyd blaring through the house. bass vibrating through every fiber of my being with the smell of bacon permeating the house right into my pores. if it wasn't pink floyd, then it was fleetwood mac, heart, tom petty or john prine..

my first steps were taken while "give me three steps" by lynard skynard was playing in the background. my dad thought that would be pretty cool if i actually walked for the first time with that song playing..he still has that glimmer in his eye when he tells that story.

my dad loved classic rock, i was born in 1974 so i guess it was considered rock then.

my mom loved..no, worshipped diana ross. in all her long flowy hair, big beautiful eyed, divine voiced glory.

i love how when you hear a song it can transcend time almost. time traveling to your youth, feeling, smelling, re-living that experience again, in ways. my first record was cat stevens, i was five. i think i "borrowed" it from from my dad, leading to "adopting" it. i had a mini-record player in my room and would play and replay 'morning has broken'. the feeling it gave me, it just swept me away. especially the piano parts, i felt like i had been wrapped in a cocoon, safely tucked inside...

sometimes i try to see if certain parts of songs move other people the way it moves me. have you ever tried that? i get so excited for them, hoping that they'll feel it too. but it's funny because most of the time they'll be distracted or talking during that "one part" that should've sparked something in them...i'm waiting..waiting..the moment's building...here comes the part.....there it went...and..nothing. i always get a little let down, but i know it's my own expectation and blah blah blah..

i've actually discovered a few years ago that my sister and brother do the same thing and usually the same exact thing happens, the other person didn't connect to it in the same way.

but the beauty is that they have their own songs. and the truth is that maybe i would have missed that "one part" too.

i think that bradley nowell (but originally by bob marley) sang it best when he sang.."one good thing about music, when it hits you you feel no pain. so hit me with music.."

i'd love to hear which songs move you..

xo, zara

paddling back to shore..

sometimes i think about the little "random" moments in our lives and how they all string together, connecting or forming those puzzle pieces of our lives. shifting, redirecting, leading us to where we're supposed to be. i've read that deja vu is the soul remembering that planned out, mapped out "random" moment and it feels familiar, like you've lived that already..

they say it's the universe's way of reminding us we're on the right path, that we're okay..just keep going.

even during those bleak surreal moments that hit us, things we thought "would never happen to me. not my family" seem to always bring us clarity. living and seeing life in all of it's beautiful yet tragic complexities. realizing that we're much stronger than we ever imagined. or that tragic moment led us to something greater, to reach higher. however long it takes us to reach that realization, we get there.

i'm coming out of that fog. i can see past it now, my eyes grasping the lighthouse. paddling back to shore.

i was watching one of my favorite movies a couple of days ago, harold and maude. and there's a line that maude says..."alot of people enjoy being dead. but their not dead really. they're just backing away from life. reach out, take a chance, get hurt even. play as well as you can, GO TEAM GO! give me an L, give me an I, give me a V, give me an E! L-I-V-E, LIVE!! otherwise you've got nothing to talk about in the locker room."

oh how i love maude..

here's harold and maude <3

i guess i've been kind of backing away from life, i'm so tired of backing away. so, i'm jumping back in.

and speaking of random connecting moments, i just bought a rodarte (for target) dress in size small. it's my inspiration dress, the dress that will fit me when i shed this damn baby weight...why oh why did i rationalize eating for two? or three? it's the eclairs..

anyway, i read that the designers for rodarte based the collection on three films. one of those films was harold and maude :) i think that's so amazing and full circle for me. plus, the designers are of my generation and well..it's just plain cool, yo.

i can't wait to fit into my dress. i can see it in my mind and it looks really cute on me :) hehe..

THE dress & ava blue

love, zara xo